Sunday, April 21, 2013

7 years ago-April 21, 2006

April 21, 2006, my momma went to heaven. She passed away from a massive stroke, she had just turned 73 on March 6th. If she were alive, she would now be 80. I remember that day, as if it happened yesterday. She was living here with me and Eddie. It was a Friday, that I will never forget. I went in her bedroom, a little after lunchtime, to check on her. When she did not respond to me, I started saying to her, come on momma, I know you hear me. Do you think you can ignore me, and get away with it? Ha, no way!! I went over to the bed, and kissed her on the cheek, she was already getting cold. I went into her bathroom, and got a warm washrag. I went back to her bed, and started wiping her face with the warm rag, momma never liked being cold. I kept trying to get her to wake up. Finally, I laid my head over on her chest, there was nothing but silence, deadly silence. At that point, I went numb, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I ran from her bedroom, screaming all the way to my bedroom, at the other end of our apartment. I was screaming, no, no, no!! When I got to my bedroom, I stood there, not knowing what to do. All I wanted was my momma. When I calmed down a little, I called Eddie at work, have no idea what I said. Then, I had to call the caseworker from hospice. Again, have no idea what I said. I unlocked the front door, so they would be able to get in. Then, I went back to momma's bedroom. I said, momma I'm back. I crawled up in her bed , got a blanket, covered us up. Put my arms around her, snuggled up close to her, and said, it is ok momma, I will warm you up. Then, the dam busted, I began to cry like a newborn baby, loud, continuous sobbing. That is how Eddie, and the caseworker found me. They tried everything to get me to get out of the bed with her, but I refused to leave. I stayed there, until the people from the funeral home came to get her. Then, as the hearse pulled away from our apartment, I ran after it, calling for momma. Believe me when I say, what does not kill us, makes us stronger. We still live here in the apartment where it happened, due to financial reasons. I still call it momma's room. This day is always hard, the memories come flooding back. But, God gives me peace. I know she is in a much better place, and look forward to a blessed reunion one day. I love you momma, and miss you with every heartbeat.


Heather Meyer said...

My heart goes out to you on this day. May you know His love in abounding measure as you remember your Mom and her life today. xx

joy said...

Very touching moment. Now I remember my father who died many years ago. I still miss him too.

Gilligan Maryanne said...

Denise,this is so touching, I remember the day my grandmother left me :( thankfully I still have both my parents.

Bethe77 said...

Tears just flow reading this. My heart breaks thinking of future date when I will have to say goodbye to my mom. Oh how much grace is given us and the strength to over come such a loss. You are so strong and beautiful. Thank you Denise for sharing this very difficult day with us. May the Lord continue to hug you and carry you through each day and give you strength that comes from Him and your trust and love that only He can give. You are an inspiritation to us all.

Joyful said...

Wishing you peace on this day of remembrances. Hugs. xx

The Heart's Hunger said...

Oh this was such an emotional post Sweet Shorty Bear, ::sniff:sniff:

and you are right, what does not kill us makes us stronger- may God use us all in a mighty way to help others begin to know what His strength is like for those of us who will believe Him.

I know you miss your momma, but I really hope you had some sweet memories that made you smile today.
With Love, Deanna

I wanted to thank you also for staying in touch with me at my new foster caring blog. -Your so sweet:)

LeAnn said...

Oh my dear I can relate to this one. I cared for my dear mother before she died in 2006. Regretfully, I wasn't home to be with her. My brother was here and I was coming back on the airplane from a trip. I felt really sad about that. I knew she didn't have a very long time when I had to make the trip. I told her to wait until I got home. I knew however that when my Dad came to get her she wouldn't have waited for me to get home. She was 90 years old. I think it is so hard to lose parents. I miss and think about them everyday.
Your response to get in bed and warm her up was exactly what my mother did when my Dad passed away.
You are so such a dear sweet person.
Blessings and hugs!

Laurie Collett said...

Praying for you, dear one. May Jesus comfort you with a loving hug and give you the peace that passes all understanding.
Love and prayers,

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

<> to you my sweet friend, Lisa :o)

Anonymous said...

I sure understand Denise! My mom died April 27, 2010. You will miss her, but be together again! Praise the LORD for our hope!!!


Marian said...

TambiĆ©n le digo yo a mi madre que partiĆ³ hacia el Cielo.Te amo, pronto nos veremos y estaremos juntas en la presencia de Dios.Siempre con El y la Virgen.¡Gracias Denise!
Un abrazo grande.Bendiciones!!!

Sharon said...

Heartbreaking, Denise. My prayers go out to you - that God will bring you His peace and comfort. Your momma was a fortunate woman to have a daughter like you. Your love for her was, and still is, just precious.