Thursday, January 28, 2016

Tuesday@Ten-Doubt

My entire life has been filled with doubt, no self worth at all. I have filled my heart, and mind ,with thoughts such as: you are ugly, you are fat, you are stupid, you are worthless. Why?? My parents did not want me, I was actually an attempted abortion. But, that was not my fault. I was just an innocent baby, I did not ask to be born. That was their junk, their baggage to deal with, not mine.  My parents got divorced when I was 11, I blamed myself. But, it was not my fault, they had issues, the issues had nothing to do with me. My step-monster sexually abused me when I was a teenager. I blamed myself. Why, it was not my fault. It was his fault, he chose to be an evil person.  I tried for 16 years to conceive a baby, but I was not able to become pregnant , due to health issues. Infertility, is not my fault. I have had a stroke, and a heart attack. I have very bad type 1 diabetes. But, that is not my fault. We all have our burdens to bear in life. All of these things, have caused me to doubt myself as a daughter, wife, over all human being. Well, I have decided to quit doubting myself. Instead, with, and by, the grace of God, I am going to daily overcome ugly belittling thoughts.

14 comments:

Ida JT said...

Trusting God is also the best decision I've made in my entire life. No problem, person or circumstance can make me feel intimidated nor anxious because I have Him.

Cathy said...

I am so sorry for the things that have happened to you. But I am so glad you have seen that these are not your fault. Satan has been lying to you. I'm so glad you are choosing to believe the truth! Praying God will be there and help you, which you and I both know He will do.

Ceil said...

Hi Denise! I think we are capable of hurting ourselves so deeply by our own negative self-talk. And it doesn't have much to do with us, because we don't attack ourselves alone. Evil weaves it way into those words, and makes us feel even worse.
Your powerful words to say 'no more' are huge. Standing up to all that junk (as you call it, and you're right) takes a lot of grace and determination. Don't feel bad if it doesn't resolve over night. You've been through a lot. It may take a while, but I know you'll beat it!
Blessings,
Ceil

Paula Kaye said...

God Bless you Denise! I will cheer you along!!

Barbara London said...

Denise, you have brought tears to my eyes with your post on this word, Doubt! You have OVERCOME, my friend! He has BROUGHT YOU THROUGH ALL THAT YOU HAVE SUFFERED THROUGH...YES, THROUGH IT! Your words are heart-wrenching; yet beautiful, as you walk yourself through the "stuff" and to the otherside, knowing that He is with you all the way.

Your blog is beautiful! I hope to read more of your words! Thank you for sharing!!

Peggy said...

Oh Amen Denise! Enough of this negative chatter, doubt, and no self worth! You are a precious daughter of the King of kings! I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you in your lifetime but God's will is exactly what you are declaring to stand up to it all by His might and power, with alot of determination and speaking truth over all this, you will rise up and overcome all this "ugly belittling thoughts" and even the -experiences to see God turn it around and bring good from this through you, His sweet precious, vessel of love! Stay strong and courageous, you can do this. Good first step in making it happen. Acknowledging and admitting points us in the right direction. Not your fault. No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! Glory! Cheering you on and continuing to pray as you work through this ... love you so much, Denise!
~Peggy

Linda said...

It is good to recognize and get out the negative feelings so that you can replace them with positive feelings. You are loved. God bless you. And you were not a mistake, God created you. Love you.

Small Kucing said...

I dont now what to say that can comfort you as all words seems not worthy. But i can see youbare strong. Even an attempted abortion, you were strongbto cling on. Even monster strike you still survived.....you have overcomed much.

How I wish we all can be like richard paul evans who have been able to see God's workings. Maybe we will know our purpose on earth one of these days.

Meantime, hugs

Jerralea said...

Denise, when I read your post, I thought of one of the scriptures that is a bedrock in my own spiritual journey:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

The enemy has tried to derail God's plan for your life but you see, you are still here! Somehow, I don't know how, but in the end, you will end up in the place God has for you .. and it will be good!

Never give up!

Bob Bushell said...

You poor woman, such a horrible thing to do.

suzy mae said...

Denise, you have been through so much and non of it is your fault. I think you have a lot of strength, courage and faith. I pray that you will be able to see yourself as the beautiful person God sees you to be. Hugs.

Cathy said...

Amen Denise!!! WONDERFUL INSIGHT and TRUTH!!! Hugs!

Schotzy said...

What an overcomer you are.... fill you mind heart and spirit with the Truths from God's word and give no mind whatever to the lies of the deceiver... who only comes to rob, steal, and destroy....God has a mighty purpose for you because of the trials you have already endured and overcome... my prayers are with you, dear heart!

Starry Dawn said...

You are a Child of God, Denise.
You are worth a fortune of gold, my sweet dearest friend.
May God bless you forever!!
Love Always & Big Hugs,
Poet Starry.