Monday, June 17, 2013

I will survive

Hello sweet friends, praying that you are all doing well. I have missed you all very much. Have been so very sick since last weekend. Stomach pains, diarrhea, cramping, throwing up, nausea, headaches, tired, weak. Needless to say, was still unable to have x-rays taken. Praying to be ale to get those done this week. I have an immediate prayer need my friends. My marriage is in need of 911 repair. I do not know what to do to help my husband anymore. I thought things were back on track, but he sure fooled me. Things are worse than ever now. Does he physically abuse me?? No, never. But, he verbally, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, abuses me. I am constantly yelled at, cursed at, made to feel totally worthless. This has been going on every since I had my stroke back in September 2011. I am treated like a mentally ill child, or worse. I cannot do anything right, or anything to please him. In his eyes, I am stupid. I cannot drive, due to being legally blind. He uses that to his advantage, I am definitely under his thumb. He does not want to go to church, so I do not get to go. Because he does not want me to go without him. He cares nothing about having friends, so he does not want me to have friends. The only place I get to go is here at our apartment, grocery shopping on the weekend, to Walgreen's to pick up our medicines, and to a fast food restaurant when he wants to go. I asked him to take me to the emergency room this weekend, he told me to shut-up, and go to hell. Well, guess what?? I am not letting satan take my marriage. I love my husband, and have for 28 years. I refuse to give up, or give in without a fight. I am putting on the full armour of God, getting fueled up with prayers. Knock, knock, knocking on heavens door. My marriage is in God's totally capable hands, He will not let my marriage fall apart. So, let the battle rage on, I am prepared to fight. I refuse to be a victim, victory can, and will be mine!!

29 comments:

BumbleBeeLane said...

Maybe someone from church could pick you up on Sunday. I'm not taking your husbands side as it's never ok to treat someone like that, but it sounds like since you got ill again he is scared to get close and taking it out the wrong way. Keeping you in prayer! Amy

ஐღReneeღஐ said...

Praying for y'all.

Een vrouw naar Gods hart said...

hold on friend...these are moments when a sister needs friends...not only on internet but in person..that they could visit you a certainly would if i could

life is full of things that are not just...but we only can pray and fast..

all this are stressing you out and make you more ill

when the heart is hurt the body reacts also on it

love you sweet friend
your corageus and strong more than you think

i will love to have your character
a real warrior of christ

take care and keep blogging if it makes you feel beter

sharing with your sisters
loves denise

Ma said...

I'm so sorry Denise. God loves you both. I will pray for you.

Cathy said...

Love you, my friend. Praying for you

Alecia Simersky said...

This breaks my heart to hear of your husband treating you this way. I will definitely be lifting you up in prayer. You have such a strong faith that has gotten you through so much, I know it will see you through this as well. Keep the faith, friend. But please, don't let your husband abuse you, you don't deserve that, and it's not God's best for you!

Never Forsaken said...

Lifting you and your husband up in prayer Denise!
God will make a way for you when there seems to be no way.
I agree with the others comments here...you need friends, and if all you have at this moment is your online friends...I, for one will be here for you...I am only an email away, and I love you very much and have been very worried about you in your absence...I pray you will keep blogging, as you have such a good ministry, for yourself as well as others who need it.
I have a sweet friend down the road from me who suffers the same from her husband as you describe...I wish I could hold your hand and pray with you like I can with my friend Ellen...
I am praying God will send you a sister in Christ to visit with you too...It is so important to have human contact with people who can lift you up and encourage you...and who you can minister to as well.
~Praying and praying~ Lisa

Joyful said...

I am praying for you dear heart. God loves you so very much. Hugs. xx

Dorothy Crutchfield said...

I'm so sorry Denise. You need a friend close by to visit you. Maybe someone from your church could give you a ride. You need some help, my friend. Praying for you,
Dorothy

Chatty Crone said...

I know those words tear your soul. I will pray for you that God gives you an answer with what to do. And it can't be helping you physically either - the two sound like they go together - have you talked to your doctor about it all? sandie

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

Continuing to pray for you sweet lady, Lisa :O)

rcubes said...

It hurts to know but I'm glad you are courageous and honest to share with us. No distance can separate us because we have the unity that comes from the Lord's love. I always pray for you both and I will always be in agreement w/u...I feel like bro. Eddie might be overwhelmed w/everything that has happened same w/his health so the enemy is using that to sort of take it on you. I believe in Him and praying for His protection over you both. Love you sis.

Katie said...

i'm so sorry things are so hard. will be praying for God to work on his heart and in your marriage.

LeAnn said...

I have been so worried about you. I am so sorry that you continue to be so sick. I am also sad that your husband is misbehaving. I will certainly continue to pray for you both. Hang in there; God will answer your prayers.
My guess is that your husband is struggling with being angry that you are having so many health issues and he doesn't know how to grieve over this or let his anger out except by get upset with you. Often times the person in anger will strike out at the one they love the most.
Is there any way that you can get some counseling to help you understand how to help him.
First of all you need to get well and I pray that you do.
Love, hugs and blessings for you.

Dee said...

If you ever need someone to talk to you can email me ....deelarichards@yahoo.com Hugs. Dee

Boo and Kari said...

You're both in our prayers! I've been VERY busy with Mom and Boo and haven't been able to keep up with our blog or with our internet friends. Remember to whom you belong!!!!

Sharon said...

Oh Denise. I don't really have the words to express how sorry I am to hear this. Of course I will be praying. I see some of this happening between my parents - who are now in their 80's. It's disheartening.

Fortunately, our heavenly Father has the most comforting arms. Let Him wrap them around you tightly, and hold on to His love for dear life!

Love you.

GOD BLESS!

sweetvintageofmine said...

Evening Denise, I'm so sorry you have been ill. Hopefully, very soon, you can get your tests and find what the problem is. Praying for your health...and I agree with the other sister blogger, STRESS only makes one more sick...it's a proven fact. Even though we put our trust in God for our answers, he also gives us choices in life. God never intends for us to accept abuse...he gives us a will to make decisions...he will guide us. I'm glad you are trusting in the Lord, because he is our answer but we have to take steps not to allow abuse. Go to church, find someone to pick you up, make new friends...take a new step. God is with you.....live life! Praying for you to feel better soon! Blessings~~~Roxie

Joy said...

It really hurts me reading your situation. I wish I could help you. But still you inspires with your faith. Yes, we will fight with prayer. Bless you dear.

Tam said...

I've lived through an abusive relationship. The answer, for me, was to end the relationship and move on with my life. My experience has been that abusers do not change unless they themselves choose to. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour regardless of his feelings or fears. The man needs counseling and I would offer that perhaps the both of you should plan to see a counselor if you wish to keep the relationship moving forward. Have you spoken to him about his behaviour and how it's affecting you? His actions are not supportive nor conducive to helping healing.

I am a believer in using one's spiritual practice to transform one's circumstances, I always bear in mind what my father told me when I was a kid (he was a Christian, I am not): You've got to meet God (the Universe, the Cosmic Ocean) halfway. Call someone in your community and arrange for help that way. Speak to your husband. If he is frustrated and exhausted as a carer, then perhaps you can agree on a strategy to allow others to come in to assist.

Rebecca said...

You've gotten some wise counsel in all the other comments, Denise. I know you've tried to be strong in the battle for your health AND marriage. Take a deep breath and just do the "next thing" - whatever it is (big or small) that the Spirit of God prompts you to do in harmony with his Word.

Pia said...

Hi denise. I've been sooo busy lately that i didn't have time to do other stuff including blogging. Sorry to hear about this, dear. I'm praying for you. Love you, my friend

Cathy said...

My cousin is going through a very simular thing and she has finally moved out after 32 years of marriage. I don't know if you feel that you have no where to go, but you can call people, an abuse center, a church, etc. IT is NOT God honoring to allow someone to abuse you Denise. You can love him all you want but you might have to love him at a distance. That type of abuse will either turn physical or cause you so much emotional harm that it will kill you physically and emotionally. I take this very seriously, and you should not allow ANYONE..not even a husband to verbally abuse you or belittle you or control you and keep you from doing things in your life that you find enjoyable, especially things that are of God~ CALL a help line, a church, family, friends, anyone that can help or just sent out the life line and see what doors God opens up for you! It is not honorable to allow this abuse. We love you hear, but can't help you the way you need it.

I agree with Tam...it does not get better~~ I've never seen it get better. Yes, God can do anything, but your husband isn't allowing God to have access to his heart.

This was all said in love!!! ♥♥♥

Lea said...

Lifting you in my prayers dear friend and I just want to thank you here for being MY FRIEND! I love ya Denise... keep puttin that armor on every day.

Annmarie Pipa said...

I pray for you Denise

Becky Jane said...

Sweet Denise, I agree with Amy (BumbleBeeLane). Looking at what he's afraid of could give some insight as to why he's acting the way he does. I would be honored if you'd let me be your Health Coach. I'll be certified in September.

Jacqui said...

Denise, I'm just now reading this. I'm so sorry that this is going on. I will be praying God's strength, wisdom, and healing. I'm glad you are still seeking Christ. He will meet you. With Love, Jacqui

BARBIE said...

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I will pray that God will bring a breakthrough in your marriage.

Denise said...

I'm so sorry.My heart breaks for you.I can't imagine the hurt you must feel.May Our Lord continue to guide you,protect you and give you His wisdom of what to do-He cares how your treated more than anyone.OX