On Your Heart Tuesday/Dazed And Confused

This is truly how I feel recently, badly dazed, and confused. Continuously spinning out of control, and not understanding why. On September 5th, it will be one year, since I had my stroke. Please do not misunderstand me, I am beyond thankful to be alive. I will forever praise God for taking care of me, and bringing me through the trials of last year. But, life has really thrown several curve balls at me all at once in the past few months. Right now, I am praying that I do not go blind. Before my stroke, my vision was already terrible, due to my diabetes. Since my stroke, my vision has gotten even worse. I am having to go see my eye doctor every three weeks for eye exams, and different tests. The stroke, and my diabetes have totally wrecked my vision. I am legally blind, my eyesight is 20/200. Now, I also have a condition called optic inflammation, my optic nerves keep swelling, and are inflamed, and painful. It is a serious condition, that can lead to blindness. I have terrible sinus problems, and I have to have sinus surgery on August 30th. In the middle of all of this, I continue to try to recover from my stroke. I feel like I am going backward in my progress. I am tired all the time, I forget things constantly, and then get totally aggravated at myself for not remembering. Spinning, spinning, faster, faster. I want to get off of this ride, I do not like it.  My neurologist tells me, that my chances of having another stroke within five years, is 40-50%. In five years, I will be 53. He said, if I have another stroke, it will be worse than the one I already had. My mom had a stroke in 1998, then eight years later, in 2006, she died from a massive stroke. Scary!! But, guess what? Life is not easy. In order for the flowers to bloom, there has to be rain.  God never promised us a carefree life, but, He did promise us, that He would always provide us a way out. He has never failed me, He always carries me through the storms, no matter how fierce they may be, or how long they may last. I totally trust Him, and know that I can depend upon Him. So, I will keep on kicking satan, and his band of demons, back to hell where they belong. I may be dazed, and confused, but, there is one thing I know for sure, in the end, Jesus wins, satan loses. I am so happy to be on the winning team. Ok, I am going to spin out of here now, byeeeeeeeeeee!1