Tuesday, July 17, 2012

On Your Heart Tuesday/Dazed And Confused

Spinning Taz Pictures, Images and PhotosThis is truly how I feel recently, badly dazed, and confused. Continuously spinning out of control, and not understanding why. On September 5th, it will be one year, since I had my stroke. Please do not misunderstand me, I am beyond thankful to be alive. I will forever praise God for taking care of me, and bringing me through the trials of last year. But, life has really thrown several curve balls at me all at once in the past few months. Right now, I am praying that I do not go blind. Before my stroke, my vision was already terrible, due to my diabetes. Since my stroke, my vision has gotten even worse. I am having to go see my eye doctor every three weeks for eye exams, and different tests. The stroke, and my diabetes have totally wrecked my vision. I am legally blind, my eyesight is 20/200. Now, I also have a condition called optic inflammation, my optic nerves keep swelling, and are inflamed, and painful. It is a serious condition, that can lead to blindness. I have terrible sinus problems, and I have to have sinus surgery on August 30th. In the middle of all of this, I continue to try to recover from my stroke. I feel like I am going backward in my progress. I am tired all the time, I forget things constantly, and then get totally aggravated at myself for not remembering. Spinning, spinning, faster, faster. I want to get off of this ride, I do not like it.  My neurologist tells me, that my chances of having another stroke within five years, is 40-50%. In five years, I will be 53. He said, if I have another stroke, it will be worse than the one I already had. My mom had a stroke in 1998, then eight years later, in 2006, she died from a massive stroke. Scary!! But, guess what? Life is not easy. In order for the flowers to bloom, there has to be rain.  God never promised us a carefree life, but, He did promise us, that He would always provide us a way out. He has never failed me, He always carries me through the storms, no matter how fierce they may be, or how long they may last. I totally trust Him, and know that I can depend upon Him. So, I will keep on kicking satan, and his band of demons, back to hell where they belong. I may be dazed, and confused, but, there is one thing I know for sure, in the end, Jesus wins, satan loses. I am so happy to be on the winning team. Ok, I am going to spin out of here now, byeeeeeeeeeee!1

16 comments:

my little cottage said...

im sorry to hear that friend denise...do you have someone near a sister in christ that come visit you and pray for you? try not to be alone...wish we were near i will come to visit you...but you are a lot on my mind...take some rest..and dont be afraid jesus is with you...take care ok ?

Parsley said...

Sorry to hear this. Hang in there friend.

momto8blog said...

oh dear...keep the faith! when life overwhelms me I try the best that i can to "offer it up"...by uniting whatever suffering I have to Jesus suffering on the cross..then the pain becomes redemptive and useful. and meaningful..to the whole world.

Pia said...

i wish i can go there and give you a big hug. i'm planning to apply for a US visa again this year. i don't know what the outcome will be. i got denied twice in the past.

did you get the email regarding the supplement i was telling you about the last time i called you? mom can now walk with ease after taking it for only 20 days. not much improvement yet but we're happy for this result. i wish i can send you the supplement there so you can try it. grrrr.... this distance between us sometimes sucks. praying for you, sis. love ya!

Becky Jane said...

You know the old saying, When it rains it pours...sounds like it's pouring. HUGS and PRAYERS for you sweetie.

Anonymous said...

hi denise. not sure how my comments appeared when i posted it here. i tried to leave a comment on the others and it appeared totally weird. will have to clean up my laptop first before logging in to blogger.

Pia
http://www.piasjournal.com

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi Denise,

I'm sorry for this hard news today. I agree with "My Little Cottage" above. Do you have someone nearby who can come be tangible arms of Christ around you? Hugging, a meal, or even just sitting in silence by you for a spell?

I'm thankful that the God who creates the wind and formed the mountains loves you fiercely and says he will never leave you alone. May you feel his huge love for you today.

Seeking him too,
Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com

Dorothy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your eyesight, too, Denise. I wish you all the best of health and happiness and pray your health will improve.

And on a much lighter note, I hope you are not as dizzy as that Tasmanian Devil at the top of your page, he made me dizzy looking at him! :)
Take care, hugs from Dorothy

Cranberry Morning said...

Wow, I can see that there is a lot on your mind - with good reason! Praying that the Creator of the Universe will give you relief from the stress and peace - as only He can give.

Pamela said...

What a beautiful attitude toward the hard times life brings. Praying your eyes will receive a touch from God today.

Telaviv Yohanka said...

Dear Denisse every day I pray for you with all my heart, please do not be afraid Jesus Is In control. I love you In Jesus name amen and amen.

Dee said...

You keep kicking girl and we will kick with you. I am putting you on my prayer list!

Godsgalnj said...

I can only imagine how terrifying that is, Denise. But keep trusting and kicking Satan... don't let him get you down! much love!

HOOTIN ANNI said...

...there is a song about survival, and the lyrics are something like "I will get by". With your strong faith, you too will get by.

Marie Louise said...

Hello Denise, this is my first visite to your blog. What a heavy times you have! I'll put you also on my prayinglist! Take care..

Marga

Cathy said...

Hi Denise,
I know that you are right! Life is not easy, but with Jesus you have eternal HOPE, and that HOPE is real. So many have had glinpses of heaven and they say it is beyond anything we can imagine. This world is not our home, and what we say and do for Jesus here, will be recorded and remembered for when we see Him face to face! Do not give up hope or 'vision' of heaven!!! Enjoy your life now, because Jesus has found you worthy!!! ♥♥♥