Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Mommas little nesie

Hello my friends, praying that you are all doing well. I have had a sad week, I have really been missing my Momma. The memories have really been overwhelming me, including taking over my dreams. The hard part of all of it, has been the fact, that all the memories are really bad memories. Such as the night that Eddie and I stood by her bed, taking turns holding her down, while she had over twenty seizures, one right after the other, or the very first time I watched her have a seizure in the hospital, or the day the Doctor told me that my Momma was going to die, I was alone at the time. And, the one that keeps coming back to try to haunt me, is the day that I walked in her room, and found her dead. I know that satan is trying to bring me down into the pit of hell, that I was in last year after Momma died, but I refuse to go back there. God brought me through the fire, and I praise Him for that. I have cried all week, I am crying right now, and I will probably cry the rest of the week, but that is ok. God is with me, and He knows that I am only human. I know that my Momma is no longer in any kind of pain, she suffers from no type of sickness, and never has to go through another seizure, PRAISE GOD!!!! I love You my precious Saviour, I love You. Please give my Momma a great big hug for me. I love you Momma, and I miss you more with every heartbeat, but we will be together again one day soon,love your little nesie.


Annabelle said...

Awe, prayers for you! *hugs*

Donetta said...

Oh Sweet heart, *Hug here*. Let me hold your hand here. Denise. Your grieving. This is your mind trying to make since out of the inexplicable. Watching another in tormented suffering is the hardest part of loving. Your mother suffered and you were unable to help her is a literal way, That may be an issue of self forgiveness, but Denise you did nothing wrong. When my friend died suffering I held those visions for many , many years. My mind would play them over and over they would intrude into my waking moments. When I entered into understanding that I somehow held myself at some level of responsibility (falsely ) and forgave myself (a process) my life began to change. Walking through the experience with a trustworthy friend perhaps even a professional helped pour out the loneliness of the journey. Secretes will not hold they must be shared to free us the knowledge and help us gain understanding. If ever you need a private ear just to let it out I could give you my land line over the e-mail privately.
It is o.k. to cry just do not re-live the memory. Telling it and purging is important but NOT to go back into the event as if it were happening over and over again.
If the memories become too intrusive a good technique I used was cool pop cans on your cheeks. You Need a mom right now. God gave me mother and sister, fathers and brother in Christ. Reach out to those you trust and are trustworthy and be comforted. You are more than only human YOU ARE GODS BELOVED DAUGHTER> and my friend.
It is good to grieve you are not faltering to do so.

Crystal said...

You are a strong woman, but you are grieving and it's hard sometimes to let go of someone we love...I know you are doing that!
Just start claiming your dreams for Jesus tonight! He will give you peace a great dreams!

Donetta said...

I sent you an E-mail with my land line. I'd love to Listen/talk a while. I'm just doing the dishes. said...

Denise, if you were here I would give you hug and hold you close!

I am so sorry you our going through a hard time this week.

I have been praying for your deal on Friday and I will pray about this, too!! Love and Hugs, Grams

PS: I was ready to press publish and I remembered that after my Mom and Dsddy went to be with the Lord I did have dream about them !! And that was hard!

So hang in there this will get better and I think that Donetta was on to a good thing, too!!

sara said...

love to you Denise. Praying that these intrusive thoughts be bound and cast out. In Jesus' precious and holy name.

Jen said...

Im sori your having a hard and sad time
flashbacks are awful
Call on God and reach out for your wonderful Eddie
Your very much in my thoughts and prayers my dear friend

Terri @ In His Hands said...

Sweet Denise, give it over to Jesus. Ask Him to take all your fears away. Praying for you.