Thursday, February 11, 2016

Weight Issue

Hello everyone, hope you have enjoyed your week. As you know, I share what is on my mind, and heart, here on my blog. Some of you might agree with me, some may not. That is ok, life is filled with various opinions. As you know, I really struggle with my weight. I was overweight as a child, and was a chubby teenager. When I got married, I was 21 years old, and weighed 152. After I got married, my weight began to balloon. At my biggest, I weighed 258 and a half pounds. In 2012, before my stroke that year, I became anorexic , got down to 98 pounds after my stroke. When I got out of rehab , and went home, I gained some weight. I stayed close to 130 pounds. When I had my heart attack, and triple bypass in November 2014, I lost a little weight. When I went home from rehab that time, my weight stayed between 125-128. Then, in March 2015, after I attempted suicide, while in rehab, I lost more weight. Was so little, and very sick, could not eat, because it would make me physically sick. They would give me nutrition shakes, could not even keep them down. When I came home in April of 2015, I slowly began to gain some weight. At the end of 2015, until now, I have put on some weight,. I now weigh 150. I hate this weight. I liked being small, after being big my entire life, and being made fun of constantly. My counselor said, I have had a eating disorder my entire life. She said, I consider food my best friend, a comfort. Whenever life ,and circumstances hurt me, I  run to food. Then, I quit eating, to punish myself, and lose weight. On top of everything else in my life at this time, my husband decides to tell me the other night, that I have gotten fat again. So, I have really been feeling, deeply broken. He also told me, that he does not think I should see my counselor any more. I was going to  her, every two weeks, but, I have not seen her since before Christmas. Thanks for letting me share, appreciate all of you.

 

13 comments:

MaryFran said...

Sorry to hear about your struggles!!!! Do NOT listen to your husband!!! No one should ever tell someone that they are fat! It's rude and only words that are meant to tear down....there is no semblance of love in a statement like that! And ignore him and get back to the therapist too!!!!

Terra Hangen said...

Hi Denise, take care of yourself.

cynia said...

The world is full of opinions and what your husband says is one of them. Do you want to care about it? Decision's yours.

Mom of 12 said...

Oh Denise, my heart aches for you! I totally understand where you are coming from at least in the higher weight periods. It's so easy to feel worthless. I think you should get back to the therapist. There are programs out there to help you with food addiction. I know my friend just lost 165 lbs with a 12-step program. But honestly, Denise, 150 is not fat. It is a totally healthy weight. Don't get down on yourself. I certainly appreciate you and your support of me. You are one of my most loyal readers. Hugs and prayers for you, Sandy

Wendy said...

Sorry to hear of your struggles. It can't help when your husband doesn't seem to be supportive. Keep up with the therapist, this is not a journey you can do on your own.

Cranberry Morning said...

Denise, I think an eating disorder is not uncommon in our society where everything sends us messages that women should be thin. And you're not the first woman who has tried to achieve that in an unhealthy way. I know of a 10 year old girl who is in an eating disorder treatment center because she thinks she is too fat and was starving herself. Eddie does not understand this. You need a medical counselor who can guide you in both your psychological weight issues and how to eat to be healthy. Go back to your counselor. And if I remember right, you are also diabetic. So it matters a lot *what* you eat. You need the counseling. Eddie doesn't know everything. He obviously knows nothing about how serious this is. Blessings, dear girl. Ignore Eddie. Get counseling.

Paula Kaye said...

If going to the counselor helps you then you should by all means go!! I use food for comfort too. I just don't punish myself by going the other way. I just eat more. Wishing you luck and peace as you try to find the balance. What your husband says to you is not good for you. Maybe you have to understand this relationship too!! Hugs, my friend!!

Joyful said...

Dear heart, you need to see the counsellor because you need someone who listens and understands what you are going through. I hope you will be able to do it. Much love. xx

Leaon Mary said...

Hey sweet friend,
Reading your heart in this post ... touched mine as well. I bet many of us have felt this struggle same as you. I've been up and down alot myself in my life and have been torn down with words. It hurts and they're hard to forget. Maybe we never will.. -- I'm sorry you were called that name. I hate that word. No wonder it's an F word. If I could encourage you... it's this... you are made in the IMAGE OF GOD. You're HIS... bought with a price. I know you know that. You're beautiful. WONDERFULLY made. So I'm cheering you on sister, to keep looking up. REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE AND WHO'S YOU ARE!!! If you're able to continue seeing that counselor I hope you can. Walking the journey WITH you...

LeAnn said...

What is really true is that you are beautiful inside and out. I have struggled with weight issues myself over the years. All I do know is that you have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior that love you very much no matter what. I think it is an awesome thought to just be defined by Christ and no one else. I am sorry that your hubby is saying things. I think I said this before, If he is angry over something; he will strike out and the one he loves most and that is you. Hang in there and knowing you will be in my prayers. Hugs for you!

Cathy said...

Dear Denise, You are not fat. That is not nice of Eddie at all to tell you that. I'm sorry, Dear. He is not very smart to stop you from going to see your counselor. Call her and find a way to go. I love you.

Nikki (Sarah) said...

Hugs Denise.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

((Hugs)) I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I would continue to see your counselor because you need the help with your eating disorder. Your husband should be your support and I'm sorry he said that to you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.