Friday, October 26, 2012

Five Minute Friday/Voice

I knew when I had my stroke last year, that I would be different in many ways. Including the way my voice sounds sometimes. If you did not know me, at times, you would think I was drunk. My speech sounds very slurred at times. But, I did not think my voice would be in for such a battle. What do I mean? Well, some of my family, try to keep me silent. I feel as if they think I am now different, like suffering from brain damage. They no longer treat me like the almost 49 year old woman I am, they treat me like a child. When I try to talk to them about it, they silence my voice quickly. They say, do not get upset, you know you have had strokes. You do not want to have another one do you? My beloved husband treats me as if I do not exist. He definitely wants my voice silenced. When I talk slurred, which is not my fault, he cannot stand it. He makes fun of me, by mimicking me. He says, oh, your talking in your stroke voice again. Yes, I have had several mini strokes, and a big stroke. But, so have many other people. I am still me, and very much alive. Do I want to have another stroke? Of  course not!! But, I also do not want to be silenced, and put in a corner to die either!! I am not giving up this fight for my voice to be heard, I will continue to battle on. God created this voice, and desires for me to speak praises unto Him. I will forever pray, and praise. God loves me, and enjoys to hear my voice call out His name!! That is what I intend to do, until I leave this world.


Linda said...

I am sorry that people don't understand your need to have a voice...and to speak what you feel. That certainly must be hard. I admire your gumption...and your writings certainly do show how mentally alert and strong you are. May God continue to heal you, and to bless you...and may others around you give you the respect, and honor you deserve, by letting you speak...and voice what is on your heart!

Love, Linda

MyJourneyBack said...

Oh Denise, I can by to comment on the Prayer posts and this was here. You are right God loves your voice. I am so sorry that you feel this way. I understand. Many times my close family tries to silence me or they read things into what I am saying and don't really listen. It hurts when people you love won't listen to your heart. I love your new look so sweet. Where do you find these things. You always have a beautiful voice when I visit. Thank you for sharing.

Vicki Munn said...

hello- i clicked here from 5 minute friday. i am so sorry about your strokes and how it makes speaking more difficult. my mom had a stroke this march and she is just now starting to get some feeling back on her right side. the doctor thinks she had several small ones too before the big one that she noticed. please continue to write and speak and never be silenced. it sounds like you are a strong fighter and that is wonderful. bless you!

ScrapbooksbyKarrilee said...

I too am so sorry that you are feeling silenced - especially from those who are so close to you and whom you love. I praise God that you are recovering and that you are not allowing their efforts (whether on purpose, unaware, or thinking they are helping) to keep you from Speaking out! I can hear your voice my friend! You 'speak' loud and clear! Write on... Speak up... let Him continue to shine through you!

Jennifer Peterson said...

Keep speaking Denise!! Don't let anyone silence you.
Your voice is beautiful!!

Ro Elliott said...

I am sooo sorry for your pain...and feeling not heard...this is one blessings of the blog are heard here...and grace usually is abounds to all...and may you feel God’s presence...His amazing love for you...and may you grow more confident in knowing that He does hear you and HE does LOVE your voice...keep speaking to Him...keep speaking here. blessings and love to you~

Anonymous said...

Hi Denise,
Your post reminded me of my Mother-in-Love who passed away no August 4 of this year. She suffered a stroke in 1978, two months before my husband, her son and I were married. She was a preacher. Her voice, like yours, was not silenced, but changed by the effects of a major stroke. She turned to writing, like you. Although she could not longer preach and rejoice with the dance, she never one day stopped ministering. She ministered through cards and correspondence. People celebrated her life with the memories of how she blessed them through that ministry. Nearly 35 years she outlived that stroke and never waivered from using her voice, she just changed of manner of speaking. Keep using your voice, God is able to heal it and what will the silencers say then ... they will glorify God. I pray your church family will love your hurt away and cover you as God's Love covers you.
God bless!

joy said...

That's the fighting spirit. And you know what, your voice is being heard all over the world and inspiring many with your words.
Bless you Denise. The best is yet to come.

Deena said...

Thank you for tell the story from the inside out. I have been exposed to our local deaf culture and is was amazing to see how our society treats a person who does not communicate with words as 1/2 witted.
One woman lost her hearing at 18 and went on to get a doctorate degree to show she still have her brain even though she could not hear. (She still speaks, but it is very hard and she prefers to sign)

Joyful said...

It's hard to be understood when one deals with illness or chronic illness. It seems to take a special person to be able to relate to one who is not well. I pray that God continues to heal you, heal your heart, help others and give you a voice. Hugs.xx

Gilligan Maryanne said...

i am so sorry for the way people treat you (being that I have a mentally challenged brother) I know what it is like for people to be "MEAN"
every time I come to your page tears come down my face because of your determination not let them bring you down.
I love your courage, strength keep up the great work!!!! blessings

From the Heart said...

You certainly are being heard here.
In 1999 I had surgery on my neck and the dr. told me I have a light stroke during the surgery. It affected my right leg and after therapy the pain went away. I still do not walk straight sometimes and I definitely am not the person I was before that surgery. I forgot how to put a meal together so my husband does the cooking and a lot of things that I just don't consider. But like you I've been able to use my computer and hopefully have helped others. I also did a card ministry for 6 years. God is so good to us. Never give up on Him,
He will one day give you a voice to speak like you use to. God loves you so much, never forget that. When we have no one else to turn to we can always turn to God.
Love and prayers, AE

Pia said...

Hi denise. I'm sorry you have to go through all these. (((hugs)))

I speak to that sickness, BE HEALED! In Jesus' mighty name! I boldly ask, Lord, in faith, that you heal Denise from all these. I also ask in Jesus' name that people around her will be sensitive enough to understand this process she's going through.

Thank you, Lord, for answering out prayers.

Sassy Granny ... said...

What a blessing to witness how you've managed to make lemonade out of some of life's lemons - - particularly some of the toughest of them.

Bless you!

Lauren Davenport said...

Praying for your continued healing.

Annmarie Pipa said...

God knows your thoughts and what is in your heart.
I pray for you.

Paula Barnett said...

Yes, Denise,I hear your voice. It is clear. It is concise. It is God's voice speaking through you. It is a voice to be heard and one that I honor.

Rebekah@weliveinspired said...

Your voice IS heard Denise. It is heard here by your community through your writing. My mom had a mini stroke several years ago and thankfully it was just the one , so she was able to recover. I do remember how hard it was for her to get back to "normal" in the beginning though, because parts of her were affected too. People are so insensitive. I can't believe that you would get mocked, but then some people don't know how to cope with big life changes like this. While I understand your family wanting to protect you from having another stroke, since you have a second chance in life you should LIVE while you are here. I have always been told that God doesn't take us a moment before our time anyways. Keep on using your voice here, and stay empowered to keep on keeping on despite what others around you think.

LOLITA said...

Oh, Denise.
I could have visited you here earlier but I have problems with our third world connection (Philippines).

It certainly crawls around here yesterday.

I can relate to you in some ways. I have not much speech difficulty but most times I mispronounce English words and get "fun at." or corrected openly that demeans me so much. The sad thing is it comes from my oldest son.

Anyway, here we are, we can share voices on pages and shout out loud to our loving Father in heaven who loves to hear from us, croaks
or otherwise. I know we sound so melodious in His ears... especially when we Praise and Worship Him.

Take care always, Denise. God has not recalled us yet so we are still much the same persons we used to be even if physically some things are not the same. But inside we are whole.

my simple reflections said...

i love you friend and dont want to loose contact with i say the distance is big..and we miss each other sometimes..but im here..

having a little break on facebook..but you are on my mind and prayers..hold on

God is on his way to give you a breakthrough in many areas..
you will see

you already have the victory cause jesus is victor...

i love the way you love God you are a very humble and meek lady..myself can learn so much from you..i mean it

you have being true a lot in life me too in other ways..but God has never let us down.. glad you can share your testimony with us..

he loves us like no one on earth can..i have feel his love in my heart many times

dont be too hard on yourself..God has already touch your husbands heart im sure..

just that some people it takes more son is the same..when something happened in his life he come to me looking for advice...and ask me about jesus...

dont give up hope

.its just they have not get it yet.

it takes many times a lot but on his time God will do it..i kept telling my son over and over and wont work that way...prayers is the only way...

and let me tell you something...those people that takes much time to surrender later become the greatest man of God

do you remembered the story of apostel it really inspired me..

ok now happy things...
tell me friend?
.how is the weather there? its frozen here puppy coco? hope when you read this you dont forget..

i care about you

even i never met will hear from me soon...loves and blessings from huub and i...

Cathy said...

Amen, sweet Denise. You are right. Praying for God to restore your voice and heal you. Love you, Dear.

Linda said...

Keep writing, as long as you write you will never be silenced. I'll pray for you today.

Thanks too for stopping by my blog, I appreciate it.

Breanne said...

You do have a voice and a strong one at that. Keep speaking the truth both through words and verbally.
That is the courageous act.

Farida said...

Your posts never fails to inspire me. Take care of yourself and your health too Ms Denise :)

Kristin Bridgman said...

I am so sorry you are going through this, but it sounds like you have a fighting spirit, good for you! You DO have a voice and we all hear it loud and clear. . .and it is BEAUTIFUL! God hears it to and loves what he hears:) So thankful you share with the blog world, this could open the eyes of others who need to see what they are doing and change.
I'll be praying for you. And keep speaking. . .we're hearing.
{{{hugging you}}}

Karen said...

I am thankful that you express yourself on your blog. I hope that blogging and all your blog friends are a blessing to you in this difficult time.

Dawn said...

AMEN sista! Hugs and blessings! (And thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting!)

Lea said...

Keep speaking Denise....
I too hear you and echo the love back to you of all the many friends you have here tonight.
I'm sorry you've felt so silenced.
I hope you just continue to speak up and keep writing.
You're a city on a hill my friend!

LeAnn said...

I feel so sad that your have friends and family that try to silent your voice. You have so much to say and do that is so good. You keep being the sweet wonderful daughter of God that you are. You do have many who do love you and love your words and we would love your voice too. Sometimes, people just don't understand why you have changed and they don't know how to handle it. I know your husband loves you and just doesn't have the skills to handle the situation. You will continue to be in my prayers and I know as long as you believe in Heavenly Father he will be there for you and help you through this. You are such a woman of great faith.
Prayers, love, hugs and blessings to you!

Cathy said...

WOW...My grandmother had a stroke in 1961 and she NEVER recovered her voice. I went places with her, like the store, so I could interpret for her, because no one could understand her except her family that was close to her. I understand that frustration because of her. BUT NO ONE tried to shut her up!!!

Denise, the LORD has given you the ability to express yourself BEAUTIFULLY in words on your blog and in emails!!! That is your platform and your avenue to express yourself. We care!!! Talk to us as much as you want...either here on your blog or in email!!! I love you!!! ♥♥♥