Friday, September 28, 2012

Five Minute Friday/Grasp

Lord, I am here, still, and very much in waiting. I went Tuesday evening, and had the MRI/MRA done. I am now, patiently awaiting a call from my Doctor, regarding the results. In the mean time, it has been a whirlwind of a week. My friend Mike passed away Tuesday night after a courageous battle with brain cancer, he was only 49. I went to the visitation last night. It was really bitter sweet for me. A sad event, that brought together several old friends for a wonderful reunion. I needed this gathering of friends, and hearts so badly. More than I realized. We shared tears, laughter, hugs, and more hugs. As I looked around the room, my heart filled to overflowing. Mike, and his dear wife Michelle, shared 27 years of marriage. Eddie, and I will celebrate 28 years of marriage in April 2013. Eddie and I will both turn 49 this year on our birthdays. We share so much in common with Mike and Michelle. I sat there thinking, it could have been me here at this funeral home last September, if not for the grace of God. As I looked at Michelle, and saw how very weary Mike's disease had made her, my heart ached for her. Then, I looked at my beloved husband Eddie, and I saw weariness upon his face, and how he has aged recently. All due to my struggling health problems. God bless him for hanging in here with me, and refusing to give up on me. I appreciate him more than my words could ever express. All of a sudden, it felt like the room was spinning out of control, but, no, it is my life that actually seems to be spinning out of control. With my wonderful friends gathered around, I began to cry. I did not cry out loud, it was a deep, inward cry. My heart was screaming. Why?? Because, I am not the woman they use to know, I have changed in so many ways, and it hurts to know this, to grasp onto this fact. Having diabetes had already lessened my life, and now, with this brain trauma, my life span has been cut down quite a bit. But, you know what? That is ok. All that truly matters, is that my Father is grasping me firmly in the palm of His hand. He is the only one that numbers my days. Whenever my time is up, I will reach out for my Father's hand, smile, and say"Let's Go Daddy. Now, that is something to fully grasp hold to!!

21 comments:

Debbie Taylor said...

I read this post and scanned the others. You have had a big week, and the waiting game can be so hard. Grasping His hand is really your only option, isn't it? And trusting that He knows the outcome already and can grant strength to Eddie (and to your friend Michelle) at the same time that He holds you in the palm of his hand is encouraging. Blessings to you, sweet one, and I will remember you in my prayers.

Cranberry Morning said...

Beautiful post, Denise! I am sorry to hear about your friend, but oh that we all would be ready to submit to God's will, wherever that may take us. Blessings♥

Kathleen said...

Oh bless you girl but so many hugs. You have been through so much - refined in the fire of HIS love and grace. I am so sorry you lost your friend. Stay strong in the Lord and know many are praying for you.

a soulful life said...

Hold on tight He is right there with you, guiding all, holding all.I can't imagine all the emotions you must be going through right now. So much to cope with!.
Your words have moved me.
It sounds like you have some very special people around you.
I will pray for you today :)

Katie said...

praying for as you wait. it is so hard to understand and ask why. and I can't imagine the exact of your wondering God's plan in your situation, and in the lose of your friend. Life is so confusing and hard, but I'm always encouraged when you write that it's ok, and that you do know that God has a plan and is in control even when we are hurting and confused.

Melissa said...

I want you to know that you are an inspiration ... even when I am sure you don't feel like it!

April said...

Wow, you have had more than seems possible to grasp this week. *wiping tears* How sobering to see the weariness in your husbands face, you see on your friends' face. I'm thankful you have your Heavenly Father to get you through those moments. He heard that heart cry, He promises. Keep holding Him tight. {fellow FMF writer/reader}

Dee said...

I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend. It is good that you found some comfort when reunited with some special friends. I can not even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. I have found that when a person is ill and hurting that the Lord is closer to them at that time than ever before. i had a friend who was near death for many months and thankfully survived. She told me that the only thing about getting well was that she missed the extra close and loving presence the Lord had given her.

Martha Pittman-Mullins said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I can SO relate to what you said about how you feel like you are less than you used to be. That's how I feel everyday. HANG IN THERE. Keep fighting and don't give up. I look at it this way... I am NOT going down without a fight so I can say in the end I did my best and I live my life MY WAY!

Rosanne said...

Thank you for visiting today Denise. Love is sweet, enduring and powerful. It is all around you. Rosanne

Janice said...

I was blessed by reading your post about grasping. May you be blessed by the healing mercies of our Lord who is able to give much more than we can think or imagine. You are a woman with a heart for Him. He is always with You and He will not be caught off guard at any moment when you choose to lean into Him. He will carry you and be your strength when you are weak.

Blessings, Janice

SAHSHA said...

Gosh, thank you for the AMAZING comment. For someone who knows nothing of me to exclaim what a great writer I am is the best compliment ever!
I... I am so sorry for all you're going through. There are no words.. just a great big hug from our home to yours...

Saleslady371 said...

So sorry for your loss. I'm glad the fellowship helped. It usually does. Funerals always bring me to that place of realty, too, where I realize this body is only a temporary tent and the real me will live forever!

Wanda's Wings said...

Losing someone is so hard. God comfort you in this time. I also know how hard it is to wait for test results.

Jen@Living a Listful{l} Life said...

Praying for you right now. May you find comfort through all of the challenges you are facing right now.

Elizabeth said...

When my life is spinning out of control, it's true, it is. It is spinning out of MY control, but not out of God's control. My heart is full of sadness for you. I will pray for you and your dear husband.

Lisa said...

I'm young, but I know what cancer can do to a family, and what it can't do. My Mom has had breast cancer, and my sister had Hodgkins'. I know that pain and chronic health problems do take a toll on one's attitude...not on purpose, it is just hard to live in pain and in flux. So I'm praying for you today. We are all going to die someday, but we don't have the luxury of always knowing when and how. Hubby and I are losing a good friend to cancer...he was given 2 months to live. So we know some of these emotions. Yet, God has been good. It is a good lesson to enjoy the people as much as I can because I don't know how long I have, or how long they have. May God give you grace for the day!

SouthMainMuse said...

I am so sorry for Mike's family and all those who loved him. I am sorry for the issues that are affecting your health. I just turned 49 myself a few months ago. Hard to believe hos fast the years are going by. You are in my prayers.

Cathy said...

Praying for you, dear, sweet Denise.
Love and Hugs ~

Rebekah {honeyandcheese} said...

I've been reading your posts from the past week and just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you. It's so beautiful to see believers remain strong in their faith even through battles and storms. You're a marvelous example.

truth in weakness said...

hey there, sweet friend,
wanted to stop by to see how your appt went, but i see you're still waiting to hear. and i am so very sorry, denise, to hear about your friend. a couple of yrs ago, i lost a dear friend (in her mid-30s) to cancer. but my loss was clearly Heaven's gain.
thank you for this worship-filled piece, denise. you are such an inspiration with the way that you are constantly turning your eyes upon Jesus, & looking full in His wonderful face. may the things of earth continue to grow strangely dim, my friend.
love & hugs to you,
tanya