Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Confession Time

Some people may feel that I share way too much of my life on my blog, and for those of you who do feel that way, I am sorry. But, I choose to allow the Light of the world to shine upon my life, instead of staying in the darkness, alone with my troubles. I truly believe that my Father wants me to share not only the good times in my life, but the struggles as well. Now, having said that, here is my story, or confession, or whatever you may choose to call it. I am in a major battle with my body. The last few months have really taken a toll on me, physically, I have been very sick. Nauseous constantly, throwing up, cannot keep any food down, painful stomach. Finally, lovebug took me to the emergency room, and they kept me. I had several infections in my stomach, I am home now. I have done this to myself, why? Because I want to lose weight, and be smaller. Right now, I weigh 132, which is smaller than I have been my entire life. But, in my eyes, I have so much more to lose to be small. I still see the woman I was when I weighed 258 pounds. My dad says, you have lost quite a bit, but you could stand to lose some more. My dear mom always wanted me to be skinny. Lovebug has a wife with no hair, no eyebrows, and overweight. I want him to find something attractive about me. Wow, satan has been on me big time. Life is not perfect, and I know I am far from perfect. I am a daughter of the King, saved by His grace. This is a full blown battle, but I am prepared to face it head on now. God is on my team, which means, I am on the winning team. God loves me, as I am. I say that everyday, over and over. Pushing the world's message about my body image out, and replacing it with my Father's voice. I can, and will, do all things through Christ, Who gives me strength. Onward my friends, thanks for listening. Your continued love and precious prayers would be very much appreciated. I have missed you all very much. Please email me if you need prayer. My email address is I love you all.


Redeemed1 said...

{{{HUGS}}} You are such a blessing, dear sister. I am so glad you are back.
Don't listen to Satan's wicked lies. You are a BEAUTIFUL child of THE KING.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I think this is something that all of us struggle with at some point.

Karen said...

Bless you Denise. I am glad you are back and I appreciate your prayers and your testimony.

Wanda's Wings said...

What is important is that you are healthy. I hope you feel better soon!

Godsgalnj said...

As I was reading this, this song came to mind:

You're beautiful - *hugs* love you!

Sue said...

I love you for who you are Denise, You do let God's light shine on you, and that is one of many things so wonderful about you. I am so sorry for all of these health issues. I have and will continue to pray for God's healing power to reach and touch you.
After meeting your lovebug here in blogland I believe he loves you whether you have plenty of hair or not, and like so many wants you healthy.
You are so much sunshine here in blogland!
Much love

Saleslady371 said...

I am so glad you shared this battle with us! I would be honored to be part of the praying army. I love you.

eph2810 said...

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry that you have been sick as well. I have been thinking of you and been praying.

Good to have you back.

Don't let satan tell all those lies (I have been there myself)...

Love & peace,
<>< Iris

rcubes said...

It's good to hear from you sis though it was hard what you had gone through. Always praying for you and bro. Eddie. May you remain strong in the Lord's power. Love to you.

Cranberry Morning said...

So nice to hear from you again, Denise. Sorry to hear that you are going through such struggles. I figure you must be 2' tall if you're worried that you're overweight at 132 pounds. I will be praying that God will give you peace as you delight in Him.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Precious friend... if you confess too much, heavens, I confess far, far, far too much. A couple of posts ago, I wrote about the very same thing... feeling so unattractive and questioning my faith. We risk something when we disclose our hearts for public consumption, but I found that being honest serves the public well. It helps them realize they are not alone in their struggles.

I think you look great; don't lose any more weight! I have a ton to lose, as I've put on 30 lbs since starting chemo.


Alicia said...

Oh, Denise. I think blogging is a wonderful way to share, and to also be encouraged. Don't let the comment of one or maybe two people discourage you!!

lisasmith said...

I am praying for you and I am so proud of you for reaching out. Remember His strength is perfected in our weaknesses. May His strength be perfected in you, my friend.

I'm so glad you're back.

Lots of hugs,

MyJourneyBack said...

God loves you dear sister just the way you are. And, I have an idea that your love bug does too. I have thought of you often. And, I wondered what was wrong. I even thought that perhaps I had offended you. Dear one. You were my shoulder, me ear so many times when I was going through dark days. It was your comments and your emails that strengthened me.
I hope that I can encourage and strengthen you. I just finished the Shelter of God's promises by Sheila Walsh. Two of her comments I am reminded of...dear one you are loved just the same on the days that you feel like you deserve it as the days when you've blown it...God is the one that pursues us, who woes us to His place of grace, to the shelter of His promises. And, He is the Cleft in the Rock. Christ's promise to us is not that he will give us shelter but that He will be our Shelter. Rest in the Shelter of His strength.
And, ~~~~~~~~~~~here's you a hug. Did you catch it?
Love ya,

One Heart said...

My dear Denise, you are no alone. This is the lie of the enemy and the materialistic world we live in. I pray that you listen to Him and not to the lies even if they come from your own family. My mother too has made me feel less than perfect by always pointing out how much I could lose. Over and over and it is so debilitating no matter how much she means well. Expectations are traps. My dad, on the other hand, who is home with the Lord, NEVER had any expectations and NEVER saw or pointed out anything lacking in me on the good. THIS is what made me want to be the best I could be--unconditional love without expectations.

Fill your mind and spirit with God's truth and that will be your strength--not the world, the expectations of others OR even your own insecurities. Yes, I believe in health but I also believe there are many body types and shapes. We are not all skinny. Right now I am eating healthier and have lost a couple of pounds but refuse to be shackled to a scale. I won't go there. I see so many people who have lost a lot of weight in unhealthy ways and to be honest with you they look skinnier but they look unhealthy in their face and countenance. Lots of dark circles under their eyes and just not a look of health to me. Is it really healthy just because you are skinnier? Not really.

Just eat good food well balanced. Balance is the key.

I am praying for you as always. So good to hear from you. Hugs.

HEATHER said...

Oh Dear sweet friend,

I am sorry to hear how you are struggling emotionally and weight wise. I do understand about the weight issue as me myself have problems dealing with my weight and how it affects me emotionally also. You are always in my prayers & thoughts may God Bless You and heal your wounds. Also thank you for being so honest about how you feel it truly touches me heart and now I know there are people out there who struggle daily just like me.
Loads of Love,

Beth in NC said...

Oh Denise, no wonder I've had you on my heart this week. I'm so sorry Sister.

I understand looking in the mirror and feeling less than thrilled.

I'm glad you shared. I will be praying for you. (((hugs)))


Wendy said...

My Dear Denise,
You truly are so beautiful a shining light of Who Christ is. I, too, am so sorry you have had to suffer so much pain, and have been in the hospital. As for the lies satan is hurling, and the thoughts of inferiority, I have been there, done that. Let's not do it anymore, but believe our Savior's truth to us. Thank you for being vulnerable in your writing, and I agree, as someone said, Don't listen to the one or two negative comments. There are people who share TOO much, but you are not one of them, my dear. I'm so glad you're back, and I am always encouraged by your SWEET heart and love for the Lord, and the grace that just FLOWS over your posts out to me. May the Lord heal you, and cover you with His wings and pour out His love and mercy upon you and Eddie. Bless you both.
Love you, my dear sister,

Stacy said...

I am so blessed by the open sharing of your heart. You ARE an AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL women inside-and-out and I am amazed at how God has consistently used your journey to encourage and inspire me. LOVE and APPRECIATE you so much. Hugs!!

Angela said...

Hey beautiful lady..Just wanted to come by to let you know that I've been praying for you. Have missed you....I totally understand about this weight issue. Losing over 110 lbs, there are times I still see myself at the same weight you were also..(you and I both weighed the same at one time..)

God has been putting you on my heart for quite some time and I've been praying...each and every time He brings you to my mind.

sarah said...

awww Denise...the enemy has filled you with so many lies.. I believed those lies too and they almost killed me. Praying for you to walk in truth..the truth that you are loved just as you changes needed.

Karen said...

Much love and many prayers, my beautiful friend....

Alleluiabelle said...

I love you sweet sister so very very much. I have struggled with up and down weight over the past several years since surgeries and predisone therapy. Like One Heart I have learned not to use the scale. I've also learned that it's what's on the inside that is most important first and you my friend are a shining gem...INSIDE AND OUT...YOU ARE SO VERY BEAUTIFUL.

My prayers continue to rise up to the heavens for you...ALWAYS.

{{{Holding you now}}}

Mary said...

oh honey I understand the struggle with body image and weight. As women long to be beautiful, and I think God placed that desire in our hearts, but what we believe is "beautiful" is so warped by our culture. I am here to tell you, you are beautiful!

and really, I would like to slap your daddy upside his head for telling you you need to lose more weight...

and in sharing your struggles you help others, so share...shine on dear friend!!!

grace and peace

Peggy (mazmagi) said...

(((HUG))) Blessings Shortybear!!!

You know I sent you a long email about this! But I was wondering about the update you mentioned the day before this and instead you lay all this out! I love you, dear sister and I am praying and believing... I think you should me doing the study along with me or another great one over at
Bible Cafe for women:
Me, Myself and Lies

I'm so glad you are back but I'd rather hear you are WELL! I miss you so... and I have to be away for awhile but covet your prayers as you have mine! Good Morning Girls started today in the Book of James!
It's GREAT!!! They have a great plan and study laid out to read together and meditate on JAMES!

I love you and pray God's covering over you! Be well in Jesus' Name!
Peace, love and JOY,

Tiffany Stuart said...

Denise, thank you for sharing how I can pray for you. I think of you often and wonder if you are feeling okay. I'm sorry for the battle you've been in. You are not alone. The enemy is always prowling but we know who holds us safe in His hand.

Please take care of you. I wish I lived closer.

Love you, friend,

Beth said...

Don't you worry about what other think or say about what you put on your blog. It's YOUR blog! I can't believe you have lost so much weight. You just take care of yourself and be healthy. Lovebug loves you no matter what you look like and so do I. :)

Irene said...

Oh Denise!
Do not this to yourself! Do not let the Evil-one do this to you!
I have struggled with my weight ALL my life: my mother wanted me thinner/more polished/more this and that. My m.i.l. also expresses her views about how I should be: thinner/dressed that way etc.
But you know, with God's grace, and your love, your prayers and your blog :-) I am finding a balance and concentrate on what -and who!- trully matters in my life.
I am certain that in your husband's eyes you are the most beautiful, loving, adorable woman on Earth. Look at you: you go SO well together, God bless you.
Do not let the Evil one make you sick, and prevent you from enjoying your God given blessing of your very own body.
My dearest friend, I love you and I am praying for you.
God bless you.

Jackie said...

Love your honesty here! Didn't realize that you've been in such a hard place but praising God that He is in the midst of you and bringing you through to victory!!

I also loved how you said "God is on your team, which means, I am on the winning team. God loves me, as I am." Amen, amen and amen!!

Praying for you!


Prayers and blessings!

Angela said...

I still see the woman I was when I weighed 258 pounds. ...

It took me some time to get that 'picture' of me, of that time in my life and what I truly look like now...I would look in the mirror many times and had to 'readjust' my eyes to the true image of my body...It has been a process...God's timing is perfect though...I know my weight release was in His body image is different right's 'holy''s with a right mind set...I know without a doubt if I had lost all this weight Denise say 7 years ago...I would not have been glorifying God with this body...I would have been very 'worldly'....and would have gotten myself into a whole LOT of trouble.

Jennifer said...

Denise...I greatly appreciate your honesty and sharing your triumphs & trials. I believe we help others grown and not feel lonely in their struggles. I know that you will overcome this through the Blood of the Lamb! Glad to see your back in full swing! Love you!

Deborah said...

I am praying for you.