Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ten Years Ago



Exactly ten years ago today, I said goodbye to a dream. The dream of ever being a mother. It was on this day, that after trying for almost 16 years to have a baby, I had to have a complete hysterectomy. I have accepted God's will for my life, I am not angry at my Father. But, I am a woman, and I am only human. I hurt sometimes over the empty arms through the years. This week, I am hurting. Memories of what could have been, are surrounding my heart. I am aching with a deep longing to hold a precious baby that I created with my dear lovebug. I have a bad case of baby blues. But, my Father is near, and His comfort. Lovebug hugged me close last night, as tears for my dream baby rolled down my face. For those of you who were blessed to have children, do me a favor, hold them extra close, and love them extra gently this week. They are forever treasures. For those of you, who are like me, my heart hurts for you. Please know, I understand, and I pray for you. The songs playing on my blog today, were requested by lovebug, he dedicated them to me, with all of his love. He told me last night, as he was comforting me, that I have always been more than enough for him, and always would be. Thank You Father for my precious lovebug. Now, my letter to my dream baby. : Dear Christina Leanna, or Christopher Lee, Even though, you are only my dream baby, I love you. I know you would have been such a beautiful blessing to your dad and me. We would have given you our hearts, and did whatever it took to make your heart smile daily. We would have told you all about Jesus, and shined the light of His love in your life. We would have been such a happy family, not perfect, but perfectly blessed with much love and happiness. Please know, that I miss not being able to be your mom, and I long for you. But, God had other plans, so I had to follow His path for my life. But, I will forever see you in my dreams. I love you sweet dream baby.

21 comments:

Joan said...

Sweet, sweet Denise. I feel your pain as I too was not able to have children. Most of the time I'm okay, but there are times when I have that "empty arm" feeling. I used to hate going to church on Mother's day - the pain was too much to bear, but my Heavenly Father provides comfort.

Praying for you today and if you ever need to "talk" about this, email me or send me a message on Facebook. I don't have the answers, but I'm a good listener.

Blessings and love,
Joan

Karen said...

Love and blessing to you today, Denise. You nurture so many people.

heartfelt.prayers@gmail.com said...

Hi Sis, ((((Hugz))))
First of all I love your blog look it just made me smile and felt your welcoming spirit. This post was so very heartfelt, and I felt your tender spirit. Knowing the Father above comforts you and to have a loving husbands comfort is a double blessing indeed.

I love you my sister, you encourage my heart more than you know.

Karen said...

Sweet sis...Karen @ Lily Valley worded it well...you are a nurturer through and through...like Joan, I don't have the answer...but I like to imagine the Lord uses your precious and tender heart to love on all of us that visit you...you ALWAYS have an encouraging word for others...each morning we are greeted by your compassionate words and a cyber hug to begin our day knowing we are cherished by a dearly beloved friend that exemplifies a mother's heart more than anyone I know....

Beth in NC said...

I'm sorry Denise. It is a painful feeling that nobody can understand unless they have been there. Though my arms can hold our daughter now, I totally understand your pain. We were married for 15 years before we adopted our little one.

Praying for you Denise. (((hugs)))

Cranberry Morning said...

I am praying for you today, Denise. What a beautiful letter. What a faithful warrior you truly are. God bless you especially this day, Denise.

Mary said...

Hey sweetie, I am praying you experience an extra measure of God's comfort today!!

Much love!

MyJourneyBack said...

Oh what a sweet post Denise. I am so sorry for the emptiness you feel today. You are so right that your heavenly Father holds you in his hands just like you told me today. Thank you for thinking of me today even when I am sure it wasn't easy.
Praying for you today.
Love,
Sherry

Loren said...

Oh Denise ~ my heart breaks for you! Praying the Lord would pour an extra dose of Love and Comfort around you and your sweet heart today! You bless so many, I pray you feel just a portion of the love you give to others today!

Big hugs to you

Alleluiabelle said...

My beautiful loving sister,

I love you so much. My heart aches for you as I felt your every heart word. You exemplify the most beautiful mother one could ever have. I wish that I could fill your arms for you. I couldn't have worded it any better then Karen did here. Her words to you speak my heart to you through and through.

I love you so very very much.

I am praying as I always do for you and your lovebug and even more so today. Also I am praying for the post before this one too. I stopped by to read it yesterday and pray God's protection over you and your neighborhood. May his angels be encamped all around your apartment building and neighborhood...His warring angels standing guard at your front door and back door if you have one and at all of your windows if you are at the ground level in Jesus precious name I pray.

Again, I love you so much.

Peace & Big Hugs,
Alleluiabelle

Faith Imagined said...

I have tears streaming down my eyes. When my babies wake up from their naps I will give them a huge hug and say a special prayer for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Saleslady371 said...

It is amazing how Jesus has filled up the empty place, and how He has put so many in your life to nurture and love for Him. You will only know the truth of that when you meet Him face to face. My heart goes out to you today and I'm praising God for that wonderful man of yours. "I Will Be Here" was the song played at Amy's wedding. Those lyrics are meaningful.

Bev said...

i am sorry that you are feeling so sad...god has his loving arms wrapped around you, and knows your loss..
xo

Cathy said...

Oh, my sweet little friend, I'm so sorry about that. You are so precious and an encouragement to others. Love and Hugs ~ call me now

Heart2Heart said...

Denise,

I can't imagine how empty you must feel inside trying to come to terms with how you feel but I am sure that God has brought you children into your life to love as your own, whether through siblings, or other friends children, the love you have for a child will never be wasted.

Have you considered adopting or even offering to be a foster family? I know it's not the same but perhaps God will bless you through the love of children.

I am praying for you sweet sister that God will find a way to make this happen for you.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Love Bears All Things said...

Bless you, sweet one.
Mama Bear

Serendipity said...

A big hug for you, Denise. Happy sends her loving wags and licks.

One Heart said...

Dear Denise, I cannot begin to express my compassion but you probably know it thourgh our precious Savior who has His arms wrapped around you tightly. You have such a sweet spirit, Denise, and a great spiritual mother to many across this place as I am sure to others in person. I am praying for you tonight. May your empty arms be filled with His abundant blessings of comfort and peace. You are so blessed with your lovebug too. The music is beautiful.

Love and blessings sis.

Lea said...

What a beautiful letter Denise.
Love you so much... and thankyou for mothering all of us!
God bless you sweet sister.

Nana's Nuggets said...

Good Morning Denise, Again so happy to meet you. Thanks for stopping by.I am now following...,you have been gifted with the spirit of encouragement! Love your blog:), It is so pretty! with "color" and your sweet spirit shines all over the page! Will put the Appt.complex on my prayer list, as well as the Church, that put the cross up! Lord! move in quickly! In Jesus Name! Have a Blessed Day!

lauralee Shaw said...

Tears. Wish I could hug you right now. Love your precious heart.