Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Insight

Turn Thou me, and I shall be turned.
Jeremiah 31:18

Lord, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I thought that if my pain hit their lives, I'd feel better; I didn't. I thought that by holding it over their heads I'd feel better; I didn't. I thought that by telling everyone what they'd done, I'd feel vindicated; I didn't. It only kept the pain alive longer, and cost me friends, especially healthy ones. I thought that if only they'd acknowledge how wrong they'd been (and how right I'd been), I'd feel better; they didn't, and I felt worse. I thought if only I could understand why I picked such people, then maybe I'd find peace. So I read books, and talked with counsellors, but that didn't work, for I only discovered other things that I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with. I thought time would help. It helped, but it didn't heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought that by moving I would solve it; I didn't. I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside of me.

Finally I did two things and they worked - not overnight, but patiently, consistently - as I kept doing them, they worked. First, I decided to forgive, and keep on forgiving, until it didn't hurt anymore. Second, I cried out to God, "Turn Thou me, and I shall be turned."

He heard my cry! Gradually my mind began to clear, and my emotions began to heal. Why? Because now, I'd reached the place where getting well meant more - so much more to me, than staying sick! Selah!

12 comments:

Saleslady371 said...

I just read this and shared with my daughter. It really ministered to us. I love the music on your page and come here sometimes to bless Susanna. She's learning how to stand a long time (she dances to your music. So cute!!!!)

Angie said...

What a powerful post! Denise---these words hit all of us in the place that we "hold" on to far too long!

You are right..."moving only changes our address"...not what's going on inside of us.

What a privilege and honor it is for me to know you and call you my dear sister!

I love you so much!!

T. Anne said...

I love your humble yet amazing insight. Thank you for sharing that.

rcubes said...

Beautiful "insight"...There is no sickness He can't heal...We just need to turn to Him...Love you sister.

Anne L.B. said...

So much healing in forgiveness!

Lord, please help all of us to know the peace and health found in forgiveness! Please give us strength and make us persistent in prayer for those who hurt us.

April said...

What an inspiration you continue to be for all of us!

Tiffany said...

WOW!! Just what I needed to hear today! Thank You!

Debbie said...

Forgiveness changes us. It releases the other parties and allows the Lord to deal with them in His timing and His perfect way. It's hard when you've been hurt and believe me, I can sympathize. So thankful that you share the lessons you're learning with us as I always have more to learn.

Love you,
Debbie

Bernadine said...

Beautiful post Denise. This offers much food for thought.

Marsha said...

Oh my sweet sister! How these words spoke to me! So full of truth and wisdom. The Lord has brought you through many deep waters. I'm so proud of you for being bold and transparent, sharing your life and your story with us over the years. You are a treasure! I'm so blessed to be your friend!

I'm praying for you! I'm sorry we missed each other today :(

You are LOVED my sweet, sweet sister!

Connie Arnold said...

Thank you for sharing this post, Denise, and may God's blessings be on you!

Caroline said...

I needed to read that. I am guilty of a lot of what is written here. I am learning now more and more to hand over control of my life to Jesus for Him to transform me. Thank you for putting it into words.