Turn Thou me, and I shall be turned.
Lord, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I thought that if my pain hit their lives, I'd feel better; I didn't. I thought that by holding it over their heads I'd feel better; I didn't. I thought that by telling everyone what they'd done, I'd feel vindicated; I didn't. It only kept the pain alive longer, and cost me friends, especially healthy ones. I thought that if only they'd acknowledge how wrong they'd been (and how right I'd been), I'd feel better; they didn't, and I felt worse. I thought if only I could understand why I picked such people, then maybe I'd find peace. So I read books, and talked with counsellors, but that didn't work, for I only discovered other things that I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with. I thought time would help. It helped, but it didn't heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought that by moving I would solve it; I didn't. I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside of me.
Finally I did two things and they worked - not overnight, but patiently, consistently - as I kept doing them, they worked. First, I decided to forgive, and keep on forgiving, until it didn't hurt anymore. Second, I cried out to God, "Turn Thou me, and I shall be turned."
He heard my cry! Gradually my mind began to clear, and my emotions began to heal. Why? Because now, I'd reached the place where getting well meant more - so much more to me, than staying sick! Selah!