Do you want to get well?
John 5:6 NIV
That's what Jesus asked this man. For 38 years "his condition" had brought him the sympathy of others. It also gave him the excuse to say, "I'm not responsible." Wrong! All of us are responsible for two things - our attitudes and our decisions! We've all been hurt, but if you're still using it 20 years later, you're not a victim by circumstance, you're a victim by choice. You ask, "What's a victim?" Somebody who thinks that negative attention is better than no attention at all.
Jesus said, "If ye do not forgive, neither will your Father… forgive your trespasses" (Mark 11:26). Those words presuppose that somebody has hurt you. They also hold you responsible for your reaction to that person. Jesus said "If you don't forgive, you won't receive forgiveness." Whatever others may have taken from you in the past, if you remain bitter, they'll take even more from you in the future. Maybe you're thinking, "If they'd just come back and ask my forgiveness… Is that what you're waiting for? Don't waste your time! The key to happiness is in your hands, not theirs. That key is forgiveness!
Are you waiting for someone to say "I forgive you" before you can forgive yourself and move on? What if they never do? Here's what you need to do:
(2) make amends if you can;
(3) forgive yourself;
(4) move on (Philippians 3:13). Do you really want to get well? These are the steps!