Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Sharing My Heart


Hello my friends, there is something that is weighing very heavily on my heart. I have decided to share it with you. If you have noticed, I never talk about my church.Well, that is because I have not been to church in quite awhile. When my momma got so sick, I could not leave her. I was taking care of her 24 hours a day. After she passed away in April of 2006, Eddie did not want to go back to church. He had been hurt by the church, and was not willing to try again. I have cried many tears over this situation, and pray continuously about it. Eddie is such a good man, and he believes in the Lord, and he loves the Lord very much. I have asked him to go to various churches to see where he would feel comfortable, and where God would lead us. His answer is always no, he will not be moved on this issue. I have totally given this over to God, God knows my husbands heart. I realize that some people may choose to look down on me because I am not attending a church. But, God knows me, and He loves me. I am so very in love with my dear Saviour, and I will never stop loving Him. I will give Him praise all the days of my life. Whether or not I am in church, or at home, or anywhere I am, I will shine my light brightly for Jesus. My Saviour lives within me, that will never change. I love my husband, and I pray that one day, he will want to go back to church. If that does not happen, I will still love my lovebug. It is in Your hands precious Lord. Thanks for letting me share my heart my friends, I pray for understanding hearts. Be blessed everyone.

21 comments:

Karen said...

I hear you sweet one. Don't condemn yourself. Hubby and I haven't been at Church regularly since Aug 2005. We also went through some difficult times and we wanted to re-group and be strengthened again in the Lord before venturing back into Church full time. There was a bunch of stuff that went on in 2005-2006 which we had to process and we are so encouraged by good friends and the relationship we have with God. We are looking for a Church home and have attended a couple this year but again, we do not go regularly. It's interesting but a number of dear friends of mine world wide have been through this process too. Bless you and hubby heaps too. xxx

Our Home Schooler and Jen said...

My dear friend if Eddie is on fire as much as you are for God I dont think you have too much to worry about

I have been reading the story of Robert Sadler in his book "Help Me Remember . . . Help Me Forget" and in it he recalls how he had been praying, pleading and fasting for his wife Jackie who wouldnt give her heart to the Lord as soon as he gave it up to God fully. Within weeks she had given herself to the Lord after a dream.

The Lord works all his ways to good for those that love Him

Jen

A Stone Gatherer said...

Denise like karen said do not beat yourself up! sometimes there are things just not right at church because it is full of sinners too! I will pray though that God changes your lovebugs heart! I know for me even with all the struggles I need my church family! They are a great support system for me! Continue to learn on your Father!

Flip Flop Floozie said...

I am glad that you shared this with us. The majority of your readers are Christians anyway!! I think everyone will understand. You are doing what you think is best because you love your hubby!! You love our Lord no matter whether you are in church or not!! If someone looks down on you just because of this...well then...I would not be at all concerned about it. You know how you feel about all of this. i believe that you are doing what you think is right because of your love for you hubby!!
Just keep praying!! i believe that is the only thing that you can do.

Sandy

Karen H. said...

Good Morning Denise,
Don't be so hard on yourself for not attending Church regularly. Me and my DH don't go either. We are Methodist's and one time they had my DH on different boards of the Church's Business. He went to some of the meetings and seen the political side of it and that just turned him completely off. Oh, we still Love GOD and pray to him, but we just haven't been to Church regular like we should go. I think there are many people like that in the world these days. I will be praying for you and Eddie to find a Church and pray that Eddie will start going back. I read your post about reconciling with your Sister and am so glad that yall worked things out between the both of you. That is such a wonderful idea that she wants to come spend the weekend with you and to go visit your Mother's grave with you. Hopefully that will bring you both much closer together. Sorry I haven't been around much, but here lately I just haven't had the "want to" blog much or visit much. I guess it's because of all the rains we have been having. We may have a tornado outbreak tomorrow and tomorrow night. I don't like that kind of weather. Take care my friend and have a great day. May God Bless You and Yours.

Love & Hugs,
Karen H.

Marsha said...

Hi my sweet friend. I understand the hurt. I've been there. I think in 2005 it would have been very easy for me to walk away from the church...well hubby and I actually did walk away from the church we were in. It's a long story and I know it will come up via my blog at some point.
In the meantime, hubby and I are getting 2 of our grandchildren Friday until the following Sunday (the 20th). We'll be meeting their parents half-way - namely your city! Maybe we could get together at the Marble Slab for some ice cream or something. I'll get in touch with you via email later. Right now I've got to run. We're leaving our hotel and hubby's getting ready to take me to lunch and then my dr appointment.
Love you dearly my friend!

Talk..to..Grams said...

Denise, Please don't put your self down!!
I always went to church all the time until I got hurt with my knee and back and Nancy got so sick!! Now Nancy and I can't go very much... We did get there on Easter but I dont't know when I can again!! I just wish we could have a church on Sat nights when Nancy feels better in the early evenings!!
I feel bad about not going all the time, too!! I will pray for this! Love you! Grams

Julie said...

Denise, my dear sweet friend, I love you and so does Jesus!!!

It is hard sometimes to get Charlie to go to church where we have attended for years. We are both feeling and have been for some time, that we may be led by God somewhere else. We are finally opening up to that possibility but all we know is where we have attended all our lives. It is very hard. I am praying for you and don't ever feel like I am judging you. Love you, sweet friend!

~Blessings,
Julie

Fran said...

Hey Denise...
I think you are doing the right thing for y'all. You don't ever want to force someone back into the church. Just keep being that beautiful woman of God before your hubs and stay in prayer.

Hope today has been a good day for you in every possible way.

Big hugs~
Fran

Allison said...

Hello my sweet friend. Remember, the kingdom of heaven is within you, not within walls of brick or stone. Christ calls us into fellowship with one another and for you, think how many people you fellowship with every day through your writing and communication with them :) God knows your heart, and remember, wherever two or more are gathered, there He is among you.

Love to you my friend!

the160acrewoods said...

I can't judge you, and no one else can either! You are right in following your husband's lead.. God requires us to do so.. I don't think anyone can deny your zest for Christ Denise.. I can always tell when I visit you here!
Hugs and prayers my friend!

Bernadine said...

I think God is moved more by our passion for him than how often we attend church, and no one can doubt your passion for him. However, I understand that longing to fellowship with other believers in a church setting. I'll be praying that he grant you that desire.
Love & hugs

Beloved MaMa™ said...

Oh, you have no idea how much I can understand your hubby's heart...

The church is the BRIDE of Christ- those who believe and trust in HIM-those who have a relationship with Him...not the institution that has come about in more recent years... You are truly part of the Bride of Christ... It seems your fellowship is in bloggy world...No one can judge you... You are such an inspiration to many ladies out there!!! Bloggy world is so big because many of us are lonely and are able to connect to others in this way...

Thank you for always being an encouragement!!!!

Chandra said...

I hope from all of these comments you see that you are not alone in this! You are so loved by a precious Saviour!

The most important thing I can tell you is try not to think of a church as a building. Try to think of what we need from a church. We go to church to learn, give, fellowship, pray, and grow as Christians. How much of that do you do with this online community? I would guess a great deal! When hubby is ready to find a local church body, it would be great to find one to get involved in as well. Until then, don't discount this body of believers and what we do for each other :)

Gina;s Public Diary said...

I was out of church in the eighties and I was closer to my Lord then than ever. ANYONE who would judge you for that is so wrong.

Tiffany Stuart said...

I know a few believers just like you. They love the Lord and don't attend church. The Bible says where two or more are gathered, He is there. So there, you can have church with your husband anytime, any place. And think about Bible times, church wasn't what it is today. I will not be boxed in with this issue, and neither should you. Free yourself up to rest in Him with this. He knows your heart and your husbands. No judgment here. Only love!

PS I just skimmed the comments after writing my thoughts and I see this is the second comment about two or more. Thank you, Lord.

luvmy4sons said...

That has to be so hard. I think you are very wise. No judgments here my friend. God's will be done and it is different in each life!

Stephanie said...

Hi Denise,
I am out of town for Spring Break right now, so I am just now getting back in the blog groove thing...I have missed everyone! This post was so familar to me, only flipped. I have been reluctant to commit to a church body, too. And it had to do with perceived hurts also.

I could write an essay on my struggle with church. It has been hard on my husband to deal with my anger, bitterness, and often indifference to church. I also grew up with a father that refused to go to church despite my mom's protests. So, in my ramblings, I would like to tell you that I am not judging either you or your husband for your current decision. My heart hurts for you both...it is difficult to reconcile being hurt by "God's People". In my own pain, I sought out strong Christian women who encouraged me in so many ways. I feel that you are receiving that kind of support here, if no where else. So, lean away, sister! That is what your blogging buddies are for!
Love, Hugs, and PRAYERS For you!
Stephanie

Christina said...

There is no rule that says to be a good Christian you have to attend a church. It is nice to have the fellowship of other Christians, but this is not the only place you can get this. Like on the blogs you can have many Christian friends. I will pray for Eddie and you that if you really want to go back to church that you find one that suits you. If not you are doing an awesome job on this blog by posting about God and I believe you will be looked upon by God as doing great works.

Melanie said...

I don't ever remember reading in the Bible that you have to go to church to be saved. As long as you and Eddie are saved that's all that matters.

Cynthia said...

Denise, your sharing this so touched me. I have not been to church in some time as the last church I attended I was hurt. You are so touched by the Lord and I know he too does not look down on you or Eddie. It is not the building which is important, but that which is in your heart. And my dear friend, the Lords light shines brightly from your heart for all to see and you draw so many near to him.

With many prayers and blessings,

Cynthia