Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Live Well Wednesday


I am so happy that Darlene decided to do this meme, I feel that we all need the support and encouragement of one another as we try to live well. I have battled with my weight my entire life, I have never been a skinny chick. I am only five foot tall, so every extra pound, looks like ten extra pounds on me. I weighed in at my highest weight in January of 2006, 250 pounds. At that time, my stress level was through the roof. I was my mommas only caregiver, and still trying to be a good wife and homemaker to my husband. When my momma passed away in April of 2006, I went into the pit of hell known as depression. My emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental health all took a major nose dive. I became a cutter to release some of the pain I was experiencing. During that time, I lost quite a bit of weight. In January of 2007, I was weighing 180. To get over something, you have to go through it. Well, God brought me through the pit, and He carried me up out of that dark pit, and set me back down by His side. Everything was going along really well, then in June, I started having bad problems with my eyes. I am a diabetic, so I immediately went to see an eye doctor. I was told that I had cataracts in both eyes, the right eye was worse. I had surgery on my eye in August, there has been no improvement, things have only gotten worse. The cataract in my left eye really needs to be taken out, but due to high pressure, and bleeding behind that eye, they cannot do surgery right now. The new lens in my right eye has bad scar tissue on it, and needs laser surgery on it. My eye sight right now is 20/70, I am considered legally blind. In September, I went to the hospital to have a angiogram done on my heart. Due to my blood sugar being over 600, they could not do the procedure, and they checked me into the hospital to get my blood sugar under control. When my blood sugar got under control, they did the angiogram. Then, I was told that I have 4 heart blockages. One is 20% blocked, one is 30% blocked, one is 40% blocked, and one is 60% blocked. So, this year has been quite interesting, to say the least. They have changed all of my medicines, and the type of insulin that I am on has caused me to put some weight back on, lovely side effect!!! I am now weighing 205, also due to some swelling. So, I can choose to give up, go sit in the corner, and have myself a huge pity party, but what would that accomplish? No, I choose life, and doing all I can to live that life, as well as I possibly can. God is on my side, He is cheering me on. I may never be a skinny chick, but with the help of my true Physician, I can be a happy healthier chubby chick. I praise God for loving me just as I am, and for being so willing to help me be more. With His eyes to guide me, and His heart flowing love and strength into my heart, I will fight this battle, and live well. Thanks for letting me express my heart today, bless you all.

18 comments:

lori said...

Denise,
I have never been the super skinny either...at 5'8 and a size 10 shoe, I have always been a bit above the petites...
I believe with you that you will find the healing that you need to LIVE the life you so desire. HE can do all things...
~praying for you, each day you are on the list!
~peace and thank you for sharing.
lori

ValleyGirl said...

You have been through an incredible struggle, but your outlook has obviously changed and your focus has shifted from yourself to God. That is of utmost importance in overcoming our struggles, including treating our bodies with the respect they deserve.

You've touched my heart this morning and will be in my prayers today.

Mary said...

Denise,

I am no skinny-min*nie either. When I was a child, I was chunky and then I lost a weight and didn't gain any of it back until I was 35.

Today, like you, I am a diabetic. I am built quite like my paternal grandmother - round. LOL My weight is a constant battle for me, so don't feel you are alone.

I will pray that you will receive the desires of your heart. Keep your eyes towards the heavens. The answers are all with HIM.

Love and blessings,
Mary

Heather@Mommymonk said...

Denise, thanks for sharing so openly about your struggles in this area. And, I just knew there was a reason I liked you - I'm 5 feet also! By the way, I don't think we need any more super skinny chick around here anyway! Just healthy ones.

Rebecca said...

Oh My! I have been wondering about you and praying for you. Not sure if you remember me from faithprints (i think is the name). So glad to have found you.
So sorry about all you medical problems. I will continue to pray for you.

Nice to see you. Stop by and visit my blog one day.
Take care and God Bless...

Jean said...

I have said it before and I will say it again. You are truly an inspiration and just as you are handling everything else, with God's help that is, you will get through this and have the body that is right for you.
God Bless!

Talk..to..Grams said...

Thanks for sharing your heart today!! Please know that a lot of people are praying with you and for you to be healed! You are in my thought and prayers all day!

I weight way to much!! When I fell in 2003 they put me on insulin. I knew you had to watch it but some how the truma of hurting myself so bad with the fall I didn't do good and I gained a ton of weight!!

Now it is really hard with the amout of insulin I take!! But I know it can be done!! Love and Hugs, Grams

Darlene said...

Denise, this line really touched me, "I choose life, and doing all I can to live that life, as well as I possibly can" Wow. That's awesome, I know that God hears your desire. I pray that He will help you through this.

Angie said...

What a wonderful soul bearing post! Thank you for sharing your heart.

I was always the chunky kid. I didn't loose my baby weight until I was a junior in high school. Since then I have yo-yo'd up and down. My highest (not pregnant) being 207. After having kids, my lowest was 165.

At that time my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and moved in with me to get treatment. While I was taking care of her and my family, I put 20 lbs back on. Then I got pregnant and have been fighting the weight again every since I had the baby.

My Mom is doing well and has moved back home, but I'm still fighting self control.

Way to go in fighting through your trials and knowing that HE still loves you.

Elisa @ Extravagant Grace said...

Denise, I am so glad your shared your story. The more I get to know you, the more I feel equipped to pray for you. You are inspiring, the way you keep your focus on the Lord. Yes, He can strengthen you in this determination to live healthy. May we see success in the months ahead, together!

Crystal said...

Thanks so much for sharing your journey! We are going to do it, together!
Blessings

Sharon said...

And yes, we love that little heart of yours even with it blockages! This is one thing I know for sure--nothing is stopping the love from getting out!
Love ya girl and I am praying for you.

Connie@Little Red Hearts From God said...

First my sweet thing, it took a lot of courage to share what you shared... thank you....

We all have a story of insecurity,,,whether we cut, drink, eat too much or whatever,,, we have a story.. you are much braver.. you shared.. you brought yours to the light... to allow healing... and to allow others the freedom to maybe come forward...

you help comfort the hurting...

as I see so many of the sick and dying,,, that are fighting to live, I then think about those taking advantage of the life we have... like it is trash..

Not you, for you were hurting, weren't you??

I'm so glad you are where you are now...

now, I'm not skinny.. actually someone reminded me today of how well my sister looked the other day when they saw her and how much weight she has lost.. and well, looks like I had put on weight.. (WELL THANK YOU. LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!!)

when we find that life... in HIM.. and live each day as a beautiful gift.. like a flower picked here for a short time...
how awesome is it!!

Each day---You are sharing something very sacred... very special... and I thank you for the gift you give us every single day..

I love you very much my friend

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Good job on your persistence! Keep it up. It is a challenge with all the health issues. You inspire me. Lifting a prayer for you!
Blessings,
Angela

Cynthia said...

Thank you so much for expressing your heart! To go through so much and have your light shine so bright as your does is a true blessing from God!

My prayers and thoughts are with you. I have so missed being here these past few days.

Donetta said...

Oh Sweetie your fighting the good fight, Pressing on toward that high calling.
How awesome the light dispels darkness. Taking back the power in the strength of our anger and healing and restoration.
Shine baby Shine!

Sharon said...

Denise,
The love you have in your heart is contagious and you need to keep spreading it around! :-) You touch so many lives and I love you for it. I'm glad you choose life and doing the best you can under the circumstances. I love you no matter what you look like. :-)

Hind's Feet said...

Denise,
You know, weight is a battle we can fight or not. But it seems you are winning the TRUE heart battle and giving your heart to God... fully and beautifully. What a great inspiration.
Blessings Dear Sister!
Kim